(The scene fades up with Marcus Cage and Dynamite standing in front of the camera in an empty room talking to each other.)
Marcus: So we got this tag team tournament thing going on. What you got in mind there big guy?
Dynamite: Well we could brush off the old tank and cause some trouble. maybe blow up some one’s car...
Marcus: Been there, done that… a few times actually. How about a jeopardy parody? You know, with you as a juiced up old Alex Trebek and I will be one of the contestants?
Dynamite: Doesn’t fit this situation. Too many opponents, to focus on. Plus, we’ve already done that. What about we take over the parking lot for a BBQ?
Marcus: Summer’s over.
Dynamite: Football season’s started. We could do a little tailgate.
Marcus: Too simple. What about we dress up like our opponents and do impressions of them?
Dynamite: We need to go BIGGER!
Marcus: That’s what SHE said.
(Dynamite shoved Marcus playfully, but hard enough that Marcus fell out of the view of the camera.)
Dynamite: Oops… my bad. I guess I better lay off the juice, huh?
(Marcus popped back up into the scene)
Marcus: SO YOU ADMIT IT???
Dynamite: Of course not! You always accuse me of it anyways.
Marcus: It’s not natural to have muscles the way you do. It’s NOT… NATURAL!
Dynamite: I don’t juice damnit!
Marcus: AAAAAAAAAAAH ROID RAGE!
(He then jokingly ducked, covering his face with his arms while laughing)
Dynamite: Dude! Stop joking around. We need to figure out what we are going to do for this show.
Marcus: Well you keep shooting down all MY ideas!
Dynamite: And you keep shooting down all of mine.
Marcus: Ya know… that camera over there is rolling… we could always go old school…
(Dynamite rubbed his chin)
Dynamite: Old school is good…
(They both look at the camera and grin)
Marcus: So.. we’ve been invited by the PWP to compete in a tag team tournament
Dynamite: Teams from around the globe, from across the span of multiple federations are competing to be the top tag team. and when you think “top tag team” you can’t help but think of Shock and Awe
Marcus: Unless you live under a rock or your name rhymes with “Bilbert Bold”, it’s not hard to find something about us.
Dynamite: So when we received the invitation we couldn’t help but join in the action.
Marcus: This is an amazing set up here. No long term contracts, no commitments…
Dynamite: What is this a cell phone commercial?
Marcus: Now that you mention it.
(Marcus reached into his pocket and pulled out a cellphone, and attempted to hold it up. Dynamite grabbed the phone and threw it.)
Marcus: AHHHHHHH. That was my phone, you piece of shi…
Dynamite: SHHHH! Use your indoor voice.
Marcus: You better hope it still works.
(Marcus ran off screen, in the direction his phone was thrown.)
Dynamite: No shameless plugs! We are not here to do shameless plugs. We are here to show these tag teams what it means to be a tag team. Hell, we are in the Hall Of Fame in at least three places we have been in. We know our way around the ring as a tag team where some of these teams… just don’t. Experience, that’s what we have over some of these teams.
(Marcus popped back into the scene with his phone in hand)
Marcus: FOUND IT!!! Hey, did you talk in the promo without me?
Dynamite: Yeah.
Marcus: You jerk.
Dynamite: Just go on.
Marcus: Chemistry… that’s what we have. I trust this guy with my life. He trusts me with his.
Dynamite: Most of the time…
Marcus: DUDE!!!
Dynamite: What?
Marcus: “Most of the time”? What’s that shit?
(Dynamite chuckled.)
Dynamite: I trust you to have my back, always. But when it comes to getting in trouble… do you know how many times you have gotten me in trouble?
Marcus: Once or twice.
Dynamite: More like 135 times.
Marcus: You kept track? You… my friend… have no life. Besides, I don’t think it was THAT many times.
Dynamite: You got us lost in the Australian Outback where we almost got killed by an Emu that you pissed off.
Marcus: YOU were driving.
Dynamite: YOU were navigating.
Marcus: YOU should have known better than to let me hold the map.
Dynamite: YOU should stay focused on the task at hand.
Marcus: YOU should stop putting so much emphasis on the word “YOU”!
Dynamite: WE need to get on with this promo.
Marcus: I need a Mountain Dew.
Dynamite: Last thing you need is more caffeine and sugar.
Marcus: And the last thing you need, is to upset your tag team partner. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
Dynamite: Oh really? What are you going to do about it?
(He pushed Marcus again, causing Marcus to, again, fall to the floor, out of view of the camera.)
Marcus: OUCH! You made me sit on my keys! You are NOT NICE dude!
(Marcus got up, holding the side of his thigh.)
Dynamite: You done?
Marcus: … NO!
(Dynamite lurched towards Marcus, who flinched and shrieked. Dynamite then laughed.)
Marcus: YES! I’M DONE!
Dynamite: Good. Now lets get on with things here. Now we will start things off on the show fighting “The Extreme Thrillers”.
Marcus: That sounds like a bad roller coaster…
Dynamite: Maybe. But did you hear what they said about you?
Marcus: Yeah, I just wish I knew where they were getting their facts. I’ve always teamed with you, unless I was in a company where you weren’t. I teamed with Trisha Lee Moore, and David Shane. THAT’S IT! But in ALL those partnerships, I’ve won tag team gold. That is not a fluke. That’s not “luck.” It’s the one constant thing in all that success.
Dynamite: Don’t forget what they said about you always joking.
Marcus: They say that because they have NO sense of humor. Unless you want to look at their careers.
Dynamite: I just wish I could say I’ve heard of these two idiots.
Marcus: I think VH1 did a story on Andrew Storm in one of those… “Where are they now” specials. I thought they said he was working at a gas station in Hackensack or something.
Dynamite: Did you read up on their biographies?
Marcus: Sure did. Are they REALLY that dense? I can’t believe they think they can beat a seasoned tag team like Shock and Awe. Are they smoking dope or something?
Dynamite: Wouldn’t surprise me. Now what about some of these other teams in this event? Maple Leaf Muscle and Chaos Theory.
Marcus: Chaos Theory? Is that what the fatty and the hippie call themselves?
Dynamite: Who?
Marcus: JaX and Edwards.
Dynamite: Oh, you mean the guys that you and David beat to retain the titles last month?
Marcus: Yeah, those two. Peewee… I mean, Chris Edwards must have made a BAD batch of hash brownies and JaX ate the whole damn batch… and JaX is a big ass mother fucker. We might need a forklift to lift him… or you can go all “HULK SMASH” on him. You juice, so lifting him won’t be too difficult, for you.
Dynamite: DUDE!
Marcus: Where’s your car?
Dynamite: MARCUS! Focus!
Marcus: Sorry. I was just thinking about how big some of these guys are in this event. We got big ole fatties like JaX and then a ton of people inching up on 7 feet tall. You fit right in there, Hulk.
Dynamite: Don’t make me knock you on your ass again. And don’t forget not everyone in here is huge. Laura Phoenix? Ashton Styles?
Marcus: Laura scares me though… in a good way.
Dynamite: She is a scary woman. And…
Marcus: And she’s no match for THE HULK!!!
(Marcus slapped Dynamite on the shoulder.)
Marcus: She just recently got reunited with her brother, Michael. I’m sure there’s still some things they gotta work through to mesh as a team. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that they could start working on the years they lost, but it takes more than a few months to be the greatest tag team.
Dynamite: It takes time to know each other in the ring the way that we do. Laura is a great competitor… current PWS International Champion. I don’t need to stand here and sing her accolades in this business. She’s even a former tag team champion herself so she KNOWS what it takes in the ring as a tag team. My concern with them is they lack the experience as a tag team together.
Marcus: Something you and I clearly have over them.
Dynamite: Exactly. Same thing goes for Ashton Styles and Darren Maddox. They aren’t a tag team and they don’t know how to read each other in the ring the way that we do. That’s going to be a lot of these guys’ downfalls. Until you get to New Noize. Those guys are a legit tag team from the PWSX days.
Marcus: Yeah they actually have held tag titles together.
Dynamite: But, here comes our advantage… When was the last time they were in a tag team scenario? PWSX Right?
Marcus: As far as I know.
Dynamite: So about 2 years at least, maybe 3. That’s a long time, they are going to be rusty.
Marcus: That’s what SHE said.
Dynamite: MARCUS!
Marcus: DYNAMITE?
Dynamite: Focus!
Marcus: Then we got her partner, Darron Maddox. Who does this guy think he is? He likes to assault people for no reason, and just happens to be from The Windy City itself. Big shock there. He’s a walking cliche.
Dynamite: *Mocking tone* “I’m from the mean streets of Chicago. That says I’m tough right there. I also like to beat people up for fun. That shows I’m not to be fucked with.”
Marcus: *Mocking tone* “Despite my small size, I expect people to believe I’m this apparent badass… Oh, and I wet the bed till I was 21 years old. And I have yet to see a pair of boobies that don’t belong to my mom, or Ashton… or JaX.”
(Both men shuddered at the mention of Jax’s titties.)
Dynamite: Now I’m going to have nightmares.
Marcus: We win this tournament, and we’ll be too busy celebrating to sleep.
Dynamite: Just… never mention that again.
Marcus: DUDE! There’s a chance we could be across the ring from them! You will SEE them, no need for me to mention them.
Dynamite: Dude...stop.
Marcus: What? Them big ‘ole man titties he has going make Trisha Lee Moore look flat chested! I bet he could Hulk Smash you with just one of them floppy boobs!
Dynamite: If you make me vomit, i’m going to puke right on you. You do realize that… right?
Marcus: Your vomit doesn’t affect me. I’ve seen some shit that will turn Dontrelle Jones, white. I’ve had that chocolate Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, land on me. NOT a pleasant experience.
Dynamite: I could totally make a joke out of that… but I think you are already scarred enough from the experience.
Marcus: Imagine a steamroller running over a puppy. It was ten times worse than that.
Dynamite: That’s just gory. And disturbing. Let’s just change the subject before we give the poor fans nightmares.
Marcus: Fine. That brings us to a wildcard team. Flex Johnson, and Gilbert Gold. I gotta say, Dynamite and I, have been friends with Flex, and we’ve been enemies. And he’s right when he said he and his former partner Joe Hollywood ended our tag team title reign… the same reign that stands as the longest title run in the companies history. Not just tag titles, but ANY championship. Back then, The Foundation gave us a run for our money, and ended our reign… until their first defense. When we took them right back. Yeah, The Foundation crumbled pretty quickly then. Flex was lost in obscurity. He had a habit of winning a title, and then losing it right away. You blink, and you miss his entire collective championship run. I didn’t misspeak. I said COLLECTIVE.
Dynamite: Didn’t he show up in PWSi at one point?
Marcus: Yep. He was their Lucha Libre Champion at one point.
Dynamite: Thought so. Flex is someone who Shock N’ Awe have respect for. He isn’t afraid to do his homework. He can have fun, but knows how to be serious. Something my partner could learn from.
Marcus: HEY! Quit being mean.
Dynamite: Sorry. We’ve stood in the ring with Flex, and nine out of ten times, we’ve prevailed. Now we hear Flex going on about the ONE time he had a good thing going, and beat us. But he ironically failed to mention that it was Shock N Awe who ended his delusion of grandeur. Most people who are trying to hide from their past failures, do that. But us?
Marcus: WE aren’t afraid to admit our failures. WE LOST TO FLEX JOHNSON AND JOE HOLLYWOOD ONCE. But we also beat them. Now we come full circle jerk with Flex and his “partner” who isn’t even smart enough to ask his partner if he knows anything about the opponents they will face. I mean, he couldn’t find ANYTHING about us?
Dynamite: Not ONE DAMN THING? Not a title history? Not a fan site?
Marcus: I’m on Twitter, Facebook, and travel around the world, and he couldn’t find ANYTHING… Yet his very own partner, could tell you all kinds of stories and info about Shock N Awe. The same team he hoped would launch him into superstardom, by beating for the tag belts.
Dynamite: He was only known as a transition champion. One of the shortest reigns in UECW history, as both a solo champion AND tag team. He will tell you he beat us once, and beat that shit to DEATH!
Marcus: I hope Flex is capable of carrying his team if he hopes to win this thing. Because his partner has shown poor judgment, and an incompetence, that equals the likes of Jay Impact, or Killer, or Harlow Michaels. At least he has Flex to help him out… if only he had bothered to ask him before. He might have gone into tonight with a gameplan other than… *mocking tone* “I don’t know them… they must not be any good. I’m hungry. Can I have a juice and a cookie?”
Dynamite: Hmm. I think we covered everyone in some capacity.
Marcus: Yep, I think you’re right.
(Marcus slapped Dynamite on the shoulder.)
Dynamite: Good call going old school.
(Dynamite slapped Marcus on the shoulder hard enough to knock him down for a third time.)
Marcus: Dude, that’s it.
(He stood up and stared at his partner.)
Dynamite: What? You aren’t gonna do anything.
Marcus: I’m telling Lola.
(Marcus took off running, as Dynamite looked horrified.)
Dynamite: Don’t tell Lola! DON’T TELL HER!
(He hung his head)
Dynamite: SHIT!
(He took off after Marcus. As the camera faded to black.)
