-------------------------- SCENE 1: MAPLE LEAF HUSTLE ---------------------------------
It was a hot and rowdy night in Winnipeg. The cheer of women could be heard inside of a club. But this wasn’t any ordinary club mind you. It was a club for women, a strip club to be exact. One of the dancers just finished their routine dance and left. The music dies down a bit and the announcer comes on with a majestic and manly deep voice.
Announcer: Ladies, thank you for comin’ out tonight. It’s FREAKY Friday Fever, so you know what that means, we’re lettin’ it ALL hang out. Now next comin’ up we got two dancers we KNOW you love. Introducing MAPLE! LEAF!! HUSTLE!!!!
Suddenly, “Boys Come To Town” by Earlene Bentley comes on. Out come, what use to be, Brent and Dougy Armstrong, the tag team Maple Leaf Muscle. Dougy was dressed as a sailor, wearing a sailor uniform, but instead of pants there hotpants. Brent is seen dressed as a lumberjack, shirt open wide in tight pants to show off “the goods”. He’s dancing around with an axe out. The ladies go nuts. They start throwing money at them, and one lady tries to climb on stage, but her girlfriends stop her from violating Dougy on stage.Who could blame them? Dougy and Brent were looking rather irresistible in their respective uniforms. They do their thang, shakin’ their bacon all over the stage(Canadian and American Bacon nonetheless), and the ladies go nuts stuffing dollar bills into their uniforms(Again, Canadian AND American dollar bills). The two exit the stage, leaving the ladies upset and unfulfilled, which is nothing they weren’t used to. They get to the back and Dougy sits down, sighing as Brent looks in the mirror, combing his hair.
Brent Armstrong: We set them on fire tonight lil’ brother!
Dougy Armstrong: Are you kidding me!? We barely made $100. This is our lowest score this year Brent. We need to start picking up the funds, Ellouise at home takes up a lot of money.
Brent Armstrong: Well I told you it was going to be too expensive to keep a Kangaroo here in Canada you nitwit! You’re ridiculous!
Dougy Armstrong: I’m ridiculous!? You’re the one that bought the entire Celine Dion discography!
Brent Armstrong: There’s nothing wrong with that! A lot of people probably have…
Dougy Armstrong: Yeah, but I bet A LOT of people didn’t get them all encased in GOLD FRAMES and have Celine Dion autograph them!
Brent Armstrong: YOUR KANGAROO IS STUPID!
Dougy Armstrong: CELINE DION IS STUPID!
Brent Armstrong: HOW DARE YOU!
Dougy Armstrong: HOW DARE ME!? HOW DARE YOU!
Brent Armstrong: NO NO NO! HOW. DARE. YOU!
The two brothers look at eachother, then just sigh, relaxing a little, Dougy looking awful sad.
Brent Armstrong: I guess we did make a few unwise purchases after our success in PWSWF, huh?
Dougy Armstrong: Maybe a few. I stand by the “Turn your recyclable cans into donuts” machine I bought.
Brent Armstrong: You spent $1,000 on it and all we have is a bunch of melted aluminum!
Dougy Armstrong: It’s a work in progress! But that’s not the point big bro. We used to make bank wrestling! Why don’t we give it a try again?
Brent Armstrong: We’ve talked about this Dougy. We can’t. After how we left in PWSWF… the memories… we just can’t.
Dougy Armstrong: We can make a new start Brent! I heard about this new fed that’s getting some real buzz called Pro Wrestling Project back in the states. They’re having a tag team tournament Brent! They might as well have mailed us an invitation!
Brent Armstrong: Our family, friends, our new life is all here in Canada Dougy. This is where we belong. We’ll make due, we always do.
Suddenly, a rotund blob of humanity walks in, a girl on each arm puffing on a cigar, reeking of booze.
Rotund Blob Man: You fella’s did good tonight, aye? The woman were so wet, you’d have thought a flood hit Winnipeg!
Brent Armstrong: Thanks man. We’re gonna head out, can we get our money?
Rotund Blob Man(Who we now assume is the owner of the strip club because Brent is asking for their money… and as the current author of this story I’m telling you this indeed is the owner): Well about that… you know Tanya and Jimmy here are looking forward to a night out on the town. I’ll get you next time.
Jimmy(in a deep voice, definatly not a tranny or anything…): Dat’s right boys, you’ll get yours some other time… if ya know what I mean aye?
The men… women… people exit the room, leaving a furious Brent.
Brent Armstrong: Did you hear that!?
Dougy Armstrong: That every Canadian in this situation says aye besides us?
Brent Armstrong: No! Besides that! We’re not getting paid! You know what Dougy, I think you’re right! It’s time to go back to what made us great! It’s time to go back to doing what we do best! No more putting on frilly tights to perform in front of strange women!
Dougy Armstrong: YEAH! Time to go back to wearing frilly tights to perform in front of strange men!
Brent Armstrong: … I wouldn’t have put it that way but sure! Lets go to the UNITED… STATES… OF AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
The two high five, as an epic Rocky music plays in the background, signifying the significance of the brothers finally deciding to come back to their wrestling roots.
Dougy Armstrong: Hey Brent, I do have a question though.
Brent Armstrong: Sure, what’s up?
Dougy Armstrong: Isn’t Jimmy a weird name for a girl?
Brent Armstrong: … This is why we don’t let you out of the house by yourself.
Dougy shrugs as the two pack up, ready for their journey back into the insane world of PROFASHION-L WRASSLINZZZZ!
----------------------- END OF SCENE 1 --------------------------------
(>’-’)> <(‘-’<) (>’-’)> <(‘-’<) (>’-’)> <(‘-’<) (>’-’)> <(‘-’<) (>’-’)> <(‘-’<)
---------------------- SCENE TWO: MAPLE LEAF MUSCLE ---------------------
It is a rather warm and nice day in Chicago IL, besides the fact that it’s cold rainy and windy, and we see a large limo pull up in front of the Joseph J. Gentile Center, the home of “It Takes 2 To Tango”, the second ever Pro Wrestling Project show. Out of the limo steps… someone important. BUT THEN we see a beaten up Toyota Camry with Winnipeg license plates. Now out of this beauty steps MAPLE LEAF MUSCLE BAYBE! They look at the building with a huge smile, Brent nodding his head.
Brent Armstrong: You were right Dougy! This just feels… right. I’m ready to give 110% in this tournament brother. I’m ready to give it all I got, an A+ effort!
Dougy Armstrong: You mean an A+ effort, aye?
Dougy smiles from his awful puns.
Brent Armstrong: Please Dougy, making fun of the steroytipical Canadian speaking was so last scene.
Dougy Armstrong: So last what?
Brent Armstrong: I said it was so yesterday.
Dougy Armstrong: I could have sworn you said scene, as in everything we’re doing is just made up and we don’t have “days” or “moments”... we have “scenes”.
Brent Armstrong: … You really did get whiplash from the flight didn’t you?
Dougy Armstrong: Yeah I think so.
Brent Armstrong: Thought so. Next thing you know you’re gonna start saying everything we say, do, think… is all written by a jobber in Maine and a jobber in Virginia.
Dougy Armstrong: Yeah you’re right, it must be the whiplash. Isn’t this exciting though Brent! We’re finally back to our niche’! This is where we belong brother.
Brent Armstrong: Hate to admit it but you’re right. I’m excited to win this tournament and prove we are STILL the team to beat. Who else is in this tournament?
Dougy Armstrong: …...I uh….I don’t know.
Brent looks at Dougy and then walks off for a moment. The camera looks at him as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the keys to their rental car and begins to get inside of it.
Dougy Armstrong: Brent…?
The sound of the engine is heard….
Dougy Armstrong: BRENT.
Dougy runs after him and the screen goes out. It comes back soon after with Brent standing by with a sour expression on his face. Dougy is standing beside him with a cheesy, awkward smile, and Brent looks at him. He takes in a deep breath and rubs the bridge of his nose.
Brent Armstrong: So you mean to tell me, you dragged me out of my wholesome good job…...to face people…and you don’t know WHO WE’RE FACING?!
Dougy Armstrong: I--You--I--hold on.
Dougy turns away and pulls out a Blackberry (which no one really uses anymore because we live in the future.) and taps away some research. He turns back around quickly and looks Brent dead in the eye.
Dougy Armstrong: ….We’re facing Chaos Theory.
Brent looks at him expecting something more.
Brent Armstrong: ...And?!
Dougy Armstrong: ….
He looks at his phone again, then back at Brent...then at the phone and taps the keypad quickly. He looks at it for a long time...then looks at Brent with a serious expression.
Dougy Armstrong: ...That’s all I got.
Brent raises his hand looking to smack the crap out of Dougy’s pea brain Dougy shields his head.
Dougy Armstrong: BRENT NO PLEASE, I JUST GOT IT TO WORK WHEN I BOOKED THIS MATCH!
Brent Armstrong: You sent us back to this stupid country so we could be clueless as to what we’re up against?! I KNEW MOM SHOULD HAVE MADE YOU WEAR A HELMET WHENEVER YOU WENT OUT IN PUBLIC!!!
Dougy Armstrong: What? I THOUGHT WE WERE PLAYING SPACE-MAN WHEN WE WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE!!!
Brent clutches his face, clearly feeling a headache come about.
Brent Armstrong: ….You know what, I really don’t freaking care. Because you know why Dougy?
Dougy Armstrong: You realized the power of sibling love can douse the flames of everlasting hatred….?
Brent looks at Dougy and gives a soft laugh, placing a hand on Dougy’s cheek. He pats Dougy’s cheek almost in a caring manner, but then he begins to go a bit faster….a harder. And soon he began to grab Dougy by his collar and slap him around.
Dougy Armstrong: OW. OW. OW. OW. OW.
Brent Armstrong: ...Okay...I’m cool. Now…
He lets Dougy go who rubs his face in pain looking on at Brent.
Brent Armstrong: I’m not angry because at the end of the day I’m going back to doing what I love the most: WRESTLING. We were the best damn tag team to come out of Canada in a long damn time. And we’ve shown the world once that we can do anything we want, when we want….and at the end, we WIN, period.
Dougy Armstrong: Well uh, these guys we’re facing….they might be some nutters. Chris Edwards annnnnd…
Dougy’s eyes go wide as he looks at Edward’s tag team partner.
Dougy Armstrong: HOLY CELINE DION BATMAN!!!
Brent Armstrong: What is it NOW Doug?
Dougy Armstrong: He’s so…..so….j-just take a look will ya?
Dougy shows Brent his phone of the guy that they had to face.
Brent Armstrong: What the Hell has he been eating…?! It’s like a giant mound of melting chocolate ice cream oozing out of a singlet!!
Dougy Armstrong: God it must smell like garlic and vinegar mixed with a dog’s ass underneath his moobs!!!
Brent Armstrong: Where the Hell are his teeth?!
Dougy Armstrong: ...I think he thought a rock looked like a powdered jelly doughnut and bit into it….I say...five or six times before realizing it’s just a rock….
Brent Armstrong: THIS is our competition?! THIS is what’s in this stupid tournament. Two overweight bozos who don’t know what a bicep curl is?!
Dougy Armstrong: This JaX guy looks like, if in theory he could jump REAL fast, his rolls would bounce fast enough and get enough momentum that he’d fly right away! And Chris Edwards?
Brent looks at the picture and scratches his head.
Brent Armstrong: What the hell is that monstrosity on his face? He looks like he tripped into a box full of old belts and nails and just decided “Welp, this looks like a nice mask.”
Dougy Armstrong: He must be one of them nutjobs though Brent. Look at his arms! They’re all scared up. It looks like a road map on his forearms! It’s like if Hanable Lector had a baby with the Pillsbury Doughboy, then threw that baby into a thorn bush!
Brent Armstrong: That’s a charming comparison. But look, we need to get ready and do some more research on these goonbags.
Dougy Armstrong: Yeah and we should look up the other teams in the tournament too.
Brent Armstrong: …. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO ELSE IS IN IT?!
Dougy Armstrong: Naw, it’s not really an important factor is it?
Brent looks at Dougy, steam LITERALLY coming out of his ears. (Yes, steam is literally coming out of his head. LITERALLY. Freaking. Literally.)
Brent Armstrong: I’m going to run you over with the car.
Dougy Armstrong: Wha-
Brent jumps into the car, and Dougy begins to book it as Brent turns the key in the ignition.
Dougy Armstrong: I’M SORRY! BRENT I’M SORRY! THIS SEEMS HIGHLY OVER-EXAGGERATED! BRENTTTTTTTTT! WHO NAMES A GIRL JIMMY!? BRENNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!
The scene fades with attempted homicide.
